In this episode of Talk the Walk, Leanne and Alan Weiss kick off with ducks, snow and martinis⌠and end up in a sharp conversation about ego, esteem and why most professionals are letting the wrong thing drive their behaviour.
If youâve ever:
⢠Second-guessed yourself after one critical comment
⢠Obsessively checked feedback scores
⢠Felt like an imposter despite evidence youâre good at what you do
⢠Avoided posting, pitching or pushing back
This oneâs for you.
From ducks to dignity
Alan shares stories from his snow-covered property, feeding ducks who respond to his âBerlitz-level quack.â Itâs light, itâs funny⌠and then we pivot.
The real conversation begins with a distinction most people get wrong.
Ego and esteem are not the same thing.Ego vs esteem: the difference that changes everything
According to Alan:
⢠Ego is external.
⢠It protects your image. Itâs how you want to be seen.
⢠Esteem is internal.
⢠Itâs your belief that you are worthy, regardless of success or failure.
Ego can be smashed by criticism, comparison or public embarrassment.
Esteem doesnât collapse from attack.
It deteriorates from neglect.
Thatâs the kicker.
Most people arenât losing esteem because someone attacked them.
Theyâre losing it because theyâve stopped tending to it.
The default problem
Alan argues that the default human setting is guilt and fear.
We say:
⢠âI was wrong.â
⢠âI shouldnât have said that.â
⢠âTheyâre going to find me out.â
Leanne references the research on imposter phenomenon. Over 80% of high achievers feel like frauds at some point.
Thatâs not lack of talent.
Thatâs neglected esteem.
Practical ways to build esteem (intentionally)
Alan suggests building devices into your life:
⢠Write 10 great things you did this month
⢠In the morning, note 3 positive things youâll do
⢠At night, record 3 positive things you did
⢠Screenshot praise and keep it somewhere accessible
Esteem needs reinforcement. If you donât reinforce it, social media, comparison and criticism will erode it for you.
Consultants and low self-esteem
This is where it gets uncomfortable.
Low-esteem consultants:
⢠Donât push back
⢠Let clients dictate terms
⢠Slash fees
⢠Obsess over smile sheets
⢠Avoid controversy
Alan is blunt:
If you donât believe you have value, why should anyone else?
He also dismantles audience feedback culture.
Smile sheets mean nothing. Ask the buyer if you met their needs. Respect matters more than affection.
The LinkedIn trap
One negative comment.
One stranger saying âThis makes no sense.â
And suddenly you spiral.
Alanâs advice:
⢠Consider the source
⢠Donât defend yourself against unsolicited critics
⢠If you want feedback, ask someone you respect
Otherwise, you become a ping-pong ball.
No guilt. No fear. No peer.
This phrase came from a spontaneous response Alan gave when someone asked why heâs so confident.
He walks into rooms with a silent challenge: prove me wrong.
That doesnât mean arrogance.
It means he isnât waiting for permission.
The âno peerâ piece is important. Stop measuring yourself against everyone else. Focus on your own metrics.
Handling fear
Most fear is fear of criticism.
Alan puts content out globally, daily. Many professionals are terrified to post once a month.
You donât have to defend yourself against every critic.
You donât need universal approval.
And as Alan says:
There are statues of heroes in parks. There are no statues of critics.On ego (the healthy version)
Ego isnât the villain. Itâs a regulatory device.
But if itâs fragile, it becomes reactive.
Leanne shares her frustration seeing outdated thinking still being rewarded on big stages. Alan reframes it:
Donât go into life rage.
Self-effacing humour beats superiority every time.
Guilt spirals and perspective
One consultant spent 24 hours worrying about a project that the client loved.
Alanâs point:
Separate worth from efficacy.
You are worthy. Full stop.
Then evaluate performance based on your own metrics.
Did you test for understanding?
Did people engage?
Were there questions?
Questions and objections show interest. Apathy is the real danger.
Final takeaway
Alan closes with this:
You control more than you think. You control your ego. You control your esteem.
If you let other people influence those without filters, youâre not leading your own life.
Join us next time
Weâre back on 13 March for another Talk the Walk session.
In the meantime:
⢠Where are you neglecting your own esteem?
⢠Are you chasing approval instead of respect?
⢠What metric are you using thatâs quietly sabotaging your confidence?
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Show notes for every episode at https://podcast.leannehughes.com
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